8 unpopular life lessons I’ve learned one year into motherhood!🤯

I became a mom just over a year ago.
And before I got here, people told me all sorts of things like:

“Once you become a mom, you’ll understand…”
“Everything changes. You’ll see…”
“You’ll finally get why mothers feel the way they do…”

Well, I became one.
And no, I don’t relate to half the things I was warned about.
Especially the guilt.

Because what I realised is this:
Most moms don’t feel guilty because they’re failing — they feel guilty because motherhood has become performative.

It’s like as soon as you become one, you immediately get measured by others, by culture, by internalised expectations.
And it’s like, no matter what path you choose, it's never right.

• If you don’t have eye rings and are sleep deprived, are you even trying?

• If you’re career-oriented, you’re “definitely cold as hell”

• If you stay home, you’re “sloppy and lazy because why are you wasting your potential?”

• If you hire help, its “Oh God, she doesn’t give a shit does she?

• If you don’t hire help, it’s “oh wow, you don’t look like you were made for this.”

• If you travel with your child, you’re “doing too much.”

• If you travel without them, you’re “neglectful.”

• If you share your journey, it’s “performative.”

• If you keep it private, you’re “not real.”

Do you see it? You’re set up to fail the moment you try to meet the expectations.

So no, I don’t relate to guilt.
Not because everything is perfect.
But because I’ve refused the game entirely. I refuse to follow any societal script of what motherhood should look like.

I’m not here to perform motherhood. I’m here to live it — intentionally, on my terms.

And that decision? It’s been my power.

So today, in honour of Mother’s Day, I’m sharing the realest lessons I’ve learned one year into this journey, not just for other mothers, but for anyone with the courage to think beyond the script

The best decision you can ever make for your child is choosing their father.

Not the baby name. Not the stroller. Not the school.
The man you create life with is the foundation. His values, maturity, presence, and integrity — that’s what your child inherits first.
This decision shapes everything else.
Not just your child’s life — yours too.

Only have the number of kids you can emotionally and financially raise alone, independent of how perfect your relationship status is.

I always say, society is forgiving to absent fathers but unforgiving
to absent moms. You can’t rely on luck with this. Even the most stable relationships can shift. And so be your own backup plan. Don’t assume people will always be there. If they show up good, but if not, you should be able to handle it alone.

Leave generational wealth, not generational trauma.

Money is part of it.
But so is therapy. Emotional intelligence. Healing.
Break the cycles of silence, survival, and self-abandonment.
Let your legacy be peace, clarity, and preparation, not recovery.